Daughters of God

My hubby asked if I would get up this morning to get our dd up for school, so, since I had some extra time I decided to listen to a talk that I enjoyed during conference, but with my children I didn't catch the whole thing. Elder Ballard's talk, Daughters of God. One of my favorite quotes from the talk is:

...recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

I find myself in this predicament. I don't think I really treasure the DOING. I should probably take the couple extra minutes my children want at night when I tuck them in, rather than getting annoyed that they keep saying, "Mommy...?" I say "what?" and they say some random thing or ask a question that they have asked a million times before, then as I get a little closer to the door, they start again and it repeats until I have said good night for the 5th time, each time sounding a little more final, a hint of irritation in my voice.

You know, it's sad. I don't really know what to do with my little ones. I really prefer for them to entertain each other or play with friends. Other than reading stories (the repetition sometimes gets to me...sometimes I really want to move on to a different book after the 4th time of Dora) or following them around outside, I'm not sure what to actively do with them. Am I supposed to be actively teaching my 4 yr old to read? Making her write her letters and doing work books with her? Should I be doing flashcards with my son? Showing him photos of animals and making their sounds? Showing him words and teaching him to read them? He doesn't even talk yet.
I keep feeling like I should be doing more, but I don't exactly know what more to do. I am not a very organized person. I don't really have much of a routine (unless it is thrust upon me). There is a certain order to the things I HAVE to do, but the time in between, there isn't much structure. I hear about moms who have chore time, reading time, "school time", etc, and I just don't have that kind of structure. Elder Ballard actually said we should have less structured time, but I think he meant we shouldn't schedule our whole day with lessons and running around so that we don't have any time to just BE together. I know I need to have a more active, positive roll in my childrens' lives...where do Ibegin?